POP POP BANG

Manifest Destiny?

2009-09-15T20:12:00.004-04:00

About three months ago my wife and I were flying back to D.C. from Milwaukee. My wife sat by the window, I sat in the middle, and another passenger sat to my left. After takeoff the passenger sitting next to me, an attractive middle aged woman with blonde hair, asked us if we were “going on vacation” or “back to school”. We get this a lot.We answered that no, in fact we were going home. We

McCain Gets Shouted Down

2008-09-04T22:17:00.003-04:00

Wow, McCain is getting heckled by Vets. This is amazing.Also, that was the worst video I've ever seen. Amateurish at best. I can't believe someone paid to have that made.

Time to Move

2008-08-22T23:57:00.000-04:00

I have to say, every single city I travel to seems to be better than DC. I'm in Montreal right now for a mini vacation, and it's an entirely pleasant city. It's better than pleasant, it's enjoyable. Lot's to do, nice people, you can bring your own wine into restaurants. What's not to like?When my wife and I were eating dinner outside at a street cafe and heard a motorcycle backfire, we were the

Take Me To My Mansion, Cindy

2008-08-21T16:24:00.002-04:00

One day I want to be so rich that wherever I go over the course of my travels, whatever city, township, village and unincorporated municipality I end up in, I can rest assured in knowing that I'll own a house there. I'll just tell my butler to drive me there. Then I will go and rest. With my heiress wife that I left my wife and family for. Just like John McCain.

Not That I Support A Lou Dobbs Candidacy....

2008-08-21T10:09:00.001-04:00

Is Lou Dobbs running for office? Why does he have better campaign ads than Obama and McCain?

CNN Disgusts Me

2008-08-21T09:44:00.003-04:00

One of my biggest problems with airports is the never ending repetition of CNN Headline News. I can't stand the attractive but annoyingly vapid "anchors" (is that what you would even call them? Reporters? Actors? Models? Communications Majors?). I can't stand the cutesy but annoyingly vapid stories. Most of all I can't stand CNN's conservative bent which to me just seems to come out of a fear

The Land that Time Forgot

2008-08-07T13:26:00.004-04:00

In the words of my friend Dan, "This map is funny, because it's serious. It's like, you just don't exist. "Apparently Northeast, Southeast and Southwest are just empty voids. It's bad enough that most DC maps found around town just cut out all the areas where black people live, but these people actually go to the trouble of outlining the district but then pretend that no one lives beyond Capitol

It's No DeLorean But...

2008-07-21T14:54:00.005-04:00

DCist has sexy new pics of the new Metrobuses. Wow!It's like they'll not only take us to work, but also to the future.

Barack Obama-sistible!

2008-03-24T23:15:00.000-04:00

Because OMG this is incredible.

Elliot Spitzer: Governor with a Lamp

2008-03-10T19:15:00.007-04:00

I'll be honest. I was shocked to learn about Elliot Spitzer's fondness for super-expensive hookers. My world has been turned upside down by this seamy development!It just doesn't add up. That's why I like to imagine that Elliot wasn't hiring women for illicit sexual favors, but to lecture them about their poor lifestyle choices. Like so many coming of age films about pimply protagonists that

Changiness of the Future

2008-03-06T20:27:00.003-05:00

So Hillary came out as saying she'd take on Barry as her running mate in the general election. I think that's very wishful thinking considering the abysmal campaign she's running. But say Barack runs down a group of toddlers while riding drunk on a lawn mower and she becomes the nominee. She would have to take on Barack as VP even with the pending murder trial considering the incredible

Bow Before Your President

2008-03-05T22:02:00.004-05:00

I know the big story of the day is that Bush arrived early for his photo op with McCain and had to hang around the White House parking lot smoking cigarettes. But the thing I can't get over is that he made McCain practically bow before him on the White house steps. Check out this photo. It's like he's asking Walnuts to kiss his Signet Ring. I half expect Bush is wearing a codpiece under his

Sarah Vowell Pickup Lines

2008-03-05T20:40:00.004-05:00

I admit it. I have a deep and passionate crush on Gen-x history buff Sarah Vowell. This hasn't gone over well with my tall, willowy, exotic beauty of a fiancee. She doesn't understand my strange attraction to depressed, short and dykie women. Don't worry though, we've already sunk thousands into our catering security deposit, so the wedding will still go forward. But for the thousands of you

Coonhound Porn

2008-02-29T00:33:00.004-05:00

First installment of an ongoing series...Did you know that I've adopted yet another dog? Of course not, because I don't know you.This is Bella. She's from West Virginia. She has scabies. That's why she's in my bed. Not really though, but she did come to us quite ill. Now she's all better. That's why she's having a great time opening up our cabinets, eating boxes of oatmeal, shitting and

Barry has a Posse

2008-02-28T20:48:00.004-05:00

I'm always arguing with people that my Teamsters jacket is cool. Check it out! The coolest presidential candidate since Gary Hart is wearing my colors!Obama visited a Teamster-represented Giant Eagle distribution center in Ohio. From what I've heard, it was a pretty moving experience for the workers there. Our people said that they've never seen Teamsters so excited for a Presidential

Halloween Bang Bang!

2007-11-16T20:25:00.001-05:00

I haven't written any posts in quite a while. Who has the time when people are shooting guns outside my window and stealing bikes? The situation is getting critical right outside my door. There's no time for blogging.Just a couple weeks ago, the night before Halloween in fact, someone got shot in the head right outside my door. Who knows why? Maybe it's all the drug dealing. Either way,

Old People Are Funny Because Things Electronic Confuse Them

2007-11-16T20:15:00.000-05:00

I sit next to a lovely middle aged woman at work named Carol. She came in this morning very conconcerned about her Ipod. "Have you tried the reset trick I taught you?" I asked her."Yes, and it's still frozen," she said."Have you dropped it recently?""Never," she replied. I walked over to her cubicle and picked up the Ipod. I looked at the ipod for a minute, turned off the hold button and gave

College Kids Getting More Action, Fatter

2007-09-18T20:36:00.001-04:00

Update: Twin beds are out. Double beds are in. College life will never be the same says the Washington Post in this hard hitting article. The reporter used 941 words to say that fat kids fuck too, so they need bigger beds. Universities have answered the call. It's an awesome, if needlessly verbose read.

Car Free DC and Die

2007-09-18T18:39:00.000-04:00

In celebration of the first annual Car Free D.C. Day, I road my bike to work. In the fifteen minutes it took me to bike from my house to Union Station, I was cut off and practically side-swiped by a DC Public School bus, almost run over on C Street when drivers chose not obey the “BIKE LANE STARTS HERE – YIELD TO BIKES” sign, and narrowly avoided a faceplant on the pavement when I swerved to

Any Day Now the French Will Call and Apologize.

2007-08-22T21:14:00.000-04:00

I went to Sneider's today in search of expensive beer to soften the impact of yet another terribly depressing day at work. After determining which would be the cheapest expensive beer, I took two six packs out of the fridge and worked my way to the front of the store. On the way, I passed a pitiful store employee attempting to explain the finer points of Bordeaux to some middle-aged blonde

Please Try Harder, Mr. Durbin

2007-08-08T22:08:00.001-04:00

This unfortunate campaign ad for Dick Durbin exemplifies the plague that is incumbancy. Spend a long enough time in the Senate, and it becomes unnecessary to run an actual reelection campaign. Just scan an old high school yearbook photo into photoshop, drop some lens flare, and voilà! INSTA-CAMPAIGN!!!

Martin Mars Miscellanea

2007-05-30T22:38:00.000-04:00

A couple months back the New York Times wrote an article about the Martin Mars, the largest flying boat ever built. I found it particularly interesting because my grandfather helped design the plane while working as an engineer for Martin during World War II. I remember him showing me pictures of the plane back at his house in Mystic, CT. Strangely enough, my dad just sent me some neat TIFF

Ban Popeyes!

2007-05-27T22:50:00.001-04:00

Do you know why Popeyes should be banned in DC? For one thing, it sucks. Also, Popeye ate spinach, not fried chicken. But most importantly, people in this town seem unable to throw their half-eaten chicken bones into the trash. Instead, they just throw them onto the sidewalk, and then they end up in my dog's mouth, along with the half-eaten corn cobs, broken glass, used needles, screws, and

Our Generation is Poor Because of...Women?

2007-05-27T22:04:00.000-04:00

Shocking News! According to a new study, American men are worse off than their fathers for the first time in generations:"In 2004, the median income for a man in his 30s, a good predictor of his lifetime earnings, was $35,010, the study says, 12% less than for men in their 30s in 1974 -- their fathers' generation -- adjusted for inflation. A decade ago, median income for men in their 30s was

God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut

2007-04-12T00:18:00.000-04:00

I'd like to say something proper in remembrance of a man and author who meant so much to me, but instead I'll just write what so many wags will be writing in the morning:Kurt is up in Heaven now.Rest in Peace, Mr. Vonnegut. You will be missed.

WE DELIVER YOUR FOOD!

2007-04-04T00:25:00.000-04:00

I couldn't figure out a way to fit this into the previous blog, and it's the reason why I initially wanted to write that entry in the first place.When the gun-totting police-showdown initially started out my window earlier this evening, an Asian lady delivering chinese food got caught in the middle. She was driving an SUV in front of my house when everything went down. The cops pulled her over,

An Evening of Police Raids and Contemplation

2007-04-03T22:31:00.000-04:00

I recently moved to Kingman Park in Northeast DC from Columbia Heights in Northwest DC. What a change of scenery! What a breath of fresh air! What an active nightlife!I used to be one of those people who thought life didn't exist beyond the borders of NW. Two years ago I turned down a fantastic apartment on Maryland Ave because I thought, "where would we go to hang out? I mean, it would

I Wish I Were A Puppy

2007-03-25T23:13:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wish I were a puppy, so when I did something stupid people couldn't do shit. They'd just say, "It's alright. He doesn't understand. He's just a puppy."Like if my boss asked me for some important memo, and rather than just saying "are we still having that conference call at 3?" and handing it to him I stuck it in my mouth and started to frantically run in circles, darting away

The Only 9/11 Joke You Can Say Out Loud

2007-02-18T19:36:00.000-05:00

Knock, Knock.Who's There?9/11.9/11 who?You said you'd never forget!!!

GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY CAN GO TO HELL!!!

2007-02-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

George Washington University made history this week by becoming the first university in the country to raise mandatory tuition costs above $50,000. That's really quite amazing. Do you know why?BECAUSE GWU IS A TERRIBLE UNIVESITY!Do you know how I know? Because I went there, and I just misspelled UNIVERSITY. Also, it has mediocre academics. But let me break it down for you. For all you

Tips for the First-Time Home Buyer

2007-02-11T23:06:00.000-05:00

I don't know what YOU'VE heard, but first-time home buying isn't fun. In fact, it can be a real hassle. Thankfully, I've survived the process and have even picked up a few useful tips along the way. Here are a few thing to keep in mind next time you're looking for a home in Washington, DC:If the listing says "AS-IS", don't expect walls, floors or ceilings. Also, don't ask why the basement

Hillary's Mullet

2007-01-23T22:25:00.000-05:00

Anybody notice Hillary's new hair-do during the state of the union? She's look'in kinda foxy! You know a makeover is needed when a mullet makes you look sexy...

Dear Blog

2006-12-27T21:26:00.000-05:00

I know we've become estranged, but I still care for you. Remember that night back in college when we stayed up all night? The time I tried to get into your pants while listening to George Winston after we drank all that vodka? I wish we could go back to those days, but we can't.I took that job downtown. I should have called, but Johnson's been riding my ass, he wants everything done

Awkward Intergenerational Christmas Moment #342

2006-12-27T21:02:00.000-05:00

Me: So Taylor, what did you get for Christmas?6 Year-Old Cousin: I don't know. Some cds. I really wanted an iPod, but I didn't get one.Me: That's too bad. What's your favorite song?6 Year-Old Cousin: Well, right now...it's London Bridge.Me: Oh really? I remember that song. How's it go?6 Year-Old Cousin: Um...How come everytime you come around, My London, London bridge, wanna go down like.Me:

Domestic Violence Morning

2006-12-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

There's nothing like starting your day with domestic violence. I was crossing 15th onto Harvard around 8:30 when I saw a large hooded man arguing with what appeared to be a 13 year old girl holding a baby. They were shouting, with the girl saying "I'm not lyin!" and the guy saying "Just give me my stuff!". I could just tell something bad was about to happen.Guess what? It did!I crossed the

They Do More Than Kill Unarmed Black People

2006-11-28T21:51:00.000-05:00

I was riding back from the ATM this evening and encountered a common site: a car waiting to turn left as pedestrians crossed the street while another car behind it blared its horn in impatience.This happens all the time in DC. You try to mind your own business while waiting to cross some intersection and some yahoo starts shooting rounds with his Mac-10 cause you're not plowing over the

Bush's New Job

2006-11-28T21:39:00.000-05:00

I picked up the paper today to find this interesting image. I thought it was Bush at first, as if he finally woke up to reality and was like,"Fuck it. I'm gonna be a lumberjack!"Is Pacific Lumber hiring? Cause that would be awesome.

Fun with Cultural Co-Option

2006-11-27T21:18:00.000-05:00

I never liked the word "poseur". People with little or no self-esteem usually use it to demean lonely suburban kids who want nothing more than to be just a little different.I was a lonely suburban kid once. I understand their pain.But then I got Musician's Friend Offstage catalog in the mail, which purports to be "packed with cool gear for your rock 'n' roll lifestyle!and it occurred to me.

Nancy Pelosi Is Dirty.

2006-11-20T22:27:00.000-05:00

I would just like to point out that in this corny photo I've had up for almost a week, it looks like Nancy's boobies are blotched out for TV viewers cause she's wearing a see-through pant suit.Carry on.

Google's Innovative Mediocrity

2006-11-20T21:58:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed that everything Google puts out seems great at first but actually ends up sucking? I can't count how many times when I've been talking on "gchat" when service suddenly cuts off. It often goes down like this:ME: Man, last night sure was great.GIRLFRIEND: Yeah, we had a lot of fun.ME: Your friend Sarah is really funny.ME: You there?ME: Hey, I didn't mean anything by it.ME: I mean

We've Earned Capital.

2006-11-08T12:33:00.000-05:00

If Nancy Pelosi doesn't swagger up to a mic, hike up her trousers, leer at the cameras and say, "We've earned political capital in this election...and we intend to spend it" sometime soon, I'm going to be very disappointed.It would only earn her more capital.Political capital.

Cry Santorum Spawn, Cry!

2006-11-08T11:51:00.000-05:00

AMERICA'S NEW #1 DESKTOP THEME"But daddy, i don't want to move back to Pennsylvania!"

Winning At Confrontation

2006-11-06T21:44:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wanted to Win at Confrontation? I sure have. Often while waiting for the bus.Thanks to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce (and the year 1984), I've now now got the perfect guide--Arch Lustberg's "Winning at Confrontation: A 'how to' booklet for those who face confrontation each day and must learn to win at it."What does this booklet have to offer? Just let Arch explain:Fantastic! I've

Why The Green Party Will NEVER Win

2006-11-01T22:33:00.000-05:00

I just picked up this awesome informational pamphlet from the DC Statehood Green Party. Someone named Otten is running for mayor. It starts off great.They want to rebuild DC schools.They want to reopen DC General. They want to eliminate DC's regressive tax system.Sounds awesome. Then you get to the fine print:Can you find Waldo? No? Here, I'll show you:Nothing speaks to the people of DC

NASA Plays With Toys

2006-11-01T22:12:00.000-05:00

Guess What? NASA is repairing the Hubble Telescope! Isn't that great news? They were going to let it rot up there.Apparently, all they need to do is replace a couple gyroscopes.Seriously, read the article. The Hubble Telescope consists of gyroscopes.If I had known, I would have called up my nephew Billy. His mom bought him a really nifty Acme Science-Starter Kit that contains several

Comedy Central So Stupid

2006-11-01T21:53:00.000-05:00

Comedy Central lawyers have "requested" YouTube remove clips of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I can't think of a more idiotic reaction to glorious, free advertising. It's not like they're going to release comprehensive box sets for these shows. It's hard to market DVD collections of 100 discs or more.Maybe they want potential viewers to surf over to their clunky, retarded, overbearing

Always Low Prices 2000!

2006-10-24T13:03:00.000-04:00

Breaking News!Breaking News! Breaking News! This just in on the wires:"Wal-Mart's Holiday Marketing To Focus On Low Prices"WHAAAAT?! Low Prices at WAL-MART? Just when you think you've world's largest discount retailer figured out, they go and throw a curve ball like this. I can only imagine what's going on in that marketing department:Wal-Mart Exec 1: Man, how are we going to turn this

The New Republican Talking Point

2006-10-23T22:38:00.000-04:00

Governor Bob Ehrlich has been trailing behind Baltimore Mayor Martin O'Malley in the polls for the 2006 Maryland Gubenatorial race. What's a Republican to do when a blue state realizes it's blue? Showcase fantastic ads like this featuring your charming candidate for Lt. Governor. She's got INFORMATION: “Part of what attracts me to Governor Ehrlich is he believes everyone regardless of their age,

Party Canceled!

2006-10-23T21:08:00.000-04:00

My girlfriend and I wanted to have a Halloween Party, but no one could make it. We figured it would be better to cancel the party than look like fools eating candy corn by ourselves in stupid costumes. Mandie told me to send out a dis-invite. This is what I came up with:Dear Friends,Regretfully, we're canceling our Halloween party. Logan accidentally killed the maid with a candlestick in the

Stay Strong.

2006-10-19T00:00:00.000-04:00

Where has POP POP BANG gone? Florida.I'll be back next week. In the mean time, I'll leave you with these words of wisdom:If you're sitting on a plane crushed against other passengers, don't chew on your fingers nails and spit them out. The guy sitting next to you notices.In fact, he can't stop thinking it. Obsessively stuffing Cheetos into your filthy mouth only make matters worse. I suggest

Marriage Is For The Bourgeois

2006-10-15T22:26:00.000-04:00

Andrew A. Beveridge really sums up the state of marriage today in this fascinating article from Sunday's New York Times: “You used to get married to have sex. Now one of the major reasons to get married is to have children, and the attractiveness of having children has declined for many people because of the cost.”Substitute "marriage" for "children" in that last sentence, and you hit the nail on

British People Love Corny Shit II

2006-10-10T23:06:00.000-04:00

I don't know what's going on, but David Hasslehoff's "Jump in My Car" has climbed to #3 on the UK Singles charts. Is it the music video featuring KITT? The thoroughly misogynistic message? Or do British people just like to reward crap?Here's an idea: we dig up Bob Denver's corpse, pair him up with Emmanuel Lewis and Oliver from The Brady Bunch, and feature them all in a music video. It

Revenge of the Democrats

2006-10-04T12:52:00.000-04:00

Things look bleak for the Republican Party.Barring some Pelosi-Reid murder suicide pact that involves grenades and uzi's on the Capitol grounds, the Democrats should take back control of Congress.But will the Democrats rob the Republicans of all their power, dignity and respect, just as the Republicans did to the Democrats over the past twelve years?Probably not. But here are a few suggestions

British People Love Corny Shit

2006-10-03T11:34:00.000-04:00

Did you know that according to a new survey James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover" is the most requested funeral song in Britain?I don't know who James Blunt is, nor do I care, but the other top choices suggest a previously unrecognized level of empathy and decorum on the part of the average British person:"Fame: I Want to Live Forever". Please note the subtlety of this choice. Not only does it

Virginia Wine Festival Reviewed

2006-10-02T12:22:00.000-04:00

I went to the Virginia Wine Festival this past weekend with my girlfriend. We learned several lessons: Frat guys drunk on wine suck just as much as frat guys drunk on cheap beer.Sorority girls drunk on wine suck just as much as sorority girls drunk on cheap rail drinks.Frat guys and sorority girls go to wine festivals in Virginia and get drunk.I'm not the most sophisticated guy out there but

When Traffic Guards Attack

2006-09-29T18:57:00.000-04:00

Can someone explain to me why the District feels it necessary to place groups of traffic guards at intersections up and down K Street every day of the week when the traffic lights work perfectly well?It started out with just three guards at the intersection of 14th and K. Then a couple more on Connecticut Avenue. Now they have groups of three stationed at intersections for eight straight

Dune Is My Passion.

2006-09-26T23:35:00.000-04:00

There's something you should know before we go any further.I'm really into Dune.Really into it.I watch it at least once a month. Sometimes twice.There's just something about it. Did you know the sleeper must awaken? No? Maybe you should watch Dune. Would you like to watch Dune with me some time? No? That's ok. I don't really understand why everyone hates it. The movie, I mean. I think it's

Best News So Far: Pizza Delivery Drivers Unite!

2006-09-26T11:03:00.000-04:00

Dog trainer and mason William Gori proves you don't need a "degree" or even a "passing familiarity with the law and Constitution" to be a judge. Use the wrong bait at the fishing hole?! You're goin to jail, mister! Loiter while dark-skinned? You're goin to jail, mister! Towns across upstate New York have taken these lessons to heart. Word to the wise, DON'T EVER DRIVE NORTH OF WESTCHESTER

Superdome Similies

2006-09-25T12:38:00.000-04:00

The Superdome is set to reopen tonight after nearly $185 million in renovations. Could there be a better time to lay down some completely inappropriate similies?Because you know, having football games in the Superdome is like: Having a picnic on Anne Frank's grave while reading Mein Kampf.Calling your football team The Redskins. Then urinating on Crazy Horse's grave.Moving Giants Stadium to

What a Billion Dollars will Get You

2006-09-22T13:19:00.000-04:00

Forbes just released their annual list of America's 400 richest people. For the first time ever, everyone's a billionaire.That got me thinking. What would I do with a billion dollars? Here's my top 4 ideas: 1) Buy a Senator.I'd give him a million bucks and install a special red phone in his office. I would then use this phone to call him up with entertaining instructions like, "Today in

Dear Senator Allen

2006-09-21T15:26:00.000-04:00

Look dude, you're Jewish.It's cool. We're fine with it.But there's no argument. It's Jewish law. The Romans came up with that crazy "if your mom's a Jew, you're a Jew" rule a wicked long time ago.Plus, your mom fessed up. It's totally not a big deal. There's no need need to flip out on reporters like Peggy Fox. She was just a little confused cause, well, you seem like a racist nut.Maybe

Wisconsin Cool with Corpse Sex

2006-09-20T12:27:00.000-04:00

Police arrested three "young people" in Wisconsin for trying to make love with the corpse of a former crush. Nicholas and Alexander Grunke, and Dustin Radke, attempted to dig up the corpse of Laura Tennesen - who died last month in a motorcycle accident. They were later released because it's perfectly legal in Wisconsin to stick your willy in dead things.That's not the best part though. This

Helicopter Pilots on Strike

2006-09-20T10:32:00.000-04:00

Helicopter pilots employed at PHI went on strike today. From the Daily Advertiser:"PHI's unionized pilots are expected to begin their strike today despite the company's attempt to get a federal court injunction to prevent them, a union official said Tuesday...PHI is a helicopter transportation company that flies oil and gas workers into the Gulf for companies such as Shell, Exxon and BP. It is

Gifts for Centenarians

2006-09-19T10:09:00.000-04:00

What's an appropriate birthday gift for someone turning 100?My girlfriend needs to find a gift for her childhood next-door neighbor. This is a delicate matter. Thankfully, www.findgift.com has an entire section dedicated to 100th Birthday Gift Ideas. Check out these choice selections:What 100 year old wouldn't want a cape? It will remind them the Age of Exploration, back when pirates named

Those Damned Young People

2006-09-18T13:14:00.000-04:00

Something bizarre happened between 1950 and 2006. American society got real casual. We went from this: To this: in just 50 years!Personally I think it's great. I wear sneakers to work and no one cares! Unfortunately, older generations view progress differently than I do. Legions of elderly freaks fear the societal consequences of our collective slacking. They think it's one big slippery

Republicans Promote Republicans, Iraq Falls into Civil War

2006-09-17T12:58:00.000-04:00

If you read one Washington Post article this hour, make it Rajiv Chandrasekaran's "Ties to GOP Trumped Know-How Among Staff Sent to Rebuild Iraq".This is journalism at it's best:"Many of those chosen...for the Coalition Provisional Authority...lacked vital skills and experience. A 24-year-old who had never worked in finance -- but had applied for a White House job -- was sent to reopen Baghdad's

How to Know You're Committing a War Crime

2006-09-15T14:29:00.000-04:00

President Bush urged Congress today to pass so-called "Terror Legislation" that would, among other things, clarify the torture techniques CIA torturers can use when (not) torturing suspected terrorists.It turns out that said torturers must now abide by Common Article 3 of the Geneva Convention. That's because of a recent Supreme Court ruling, not because of long-standing international treaty

On the Road

2006-09-12T17:39:00.000-04:00

I'll be blogging intermittently this week, as I am on the road. Want to know where I am? I'll give you a hint. It's not Arkansas. Don't despair, POP POP BANG will be back on a regular basis next week.

Guerilla Speed Dating

2006-09-12T16:55:00.000-04:00

Last Saturday, I took my lady out for a nice night on the town.When that didn't work, I took her to the Raven.We ordered up a nice pair of High Life's and sat back to enjoy the watered-down flavor. Not long after sitting down we noticed a pair of attractive women sit down uninvited in a nearby booth occupied by two young men. The guys seemed a little surprised, as if thinking, "but we didn't

Lawyers Aren't Your Friends

2006-09-12T16:09:00.000-04:00

Lawyers are a shifty bunch.I was standing outside a court room today, as I often do, when a pair of well-dressed men came rushing out to talk. They carried on what should have been a private conversation right next to me: "Well listen Bill, my client told me she did it, then changed her story," said lawyer #1."Yeah, my guy is pretty much the same," said lawyer #2."If you go for this settlement,

Mafia Bible Uncovered, Secrets of Good Marinara Sauce Revealed

2006-09-08T10:11:00.000-04:00

Italian officials have recovered a Bible from the home of Sicilian mafia boss Bernardo Provenzano that contains secret codes and ciphers. Officials believe it could reveal new Mafia secrets.Provenzano had been on the run for 43 years. Italian officials captured him in his birthplace of Corleone.Yes, you heard right. Corleone. The Bible was later discovered in Provenzano's ramshackle "hideout"

An Alternative Set of Procedures

2006-09-07T13:07:00.000-04:00

President Bush finally confirmed the existence of a formerly secret CIA program that holds "terror suspects" overseas.During a telling press conference held last night, President Bush discussed 14 "high profile" suspects including Osama bin Laden associate Abu Zubaydah. The CIA held them (along with who-knows how many others) without charges in various Mystery Countries spread across the globe.

The Washington Times Endorses Republicans, Shocks World

2006-09-07T10:06:00.000-04:00

In a shocking development, The Washington Times has endorsed Republicans Robert Ehrlich for re-election as governor and Michael Steele for U.S. Senate. Sun Myung Moon and friends suggest that Ehrlich and Steele offer a "refreshing contrast to the liberal, "yellow dog Democrat" orthodoxy" that has dominated Maryland politics since the early 1970s." If the definition of Yellow Dog Democrat is

Elderly Pervert Hungry For Ass, Votes

2006-09-06T21:55:00.000-04:00

Maryland residents may remember William Donald Schaefer as a popular two-term governor. I'll always remember him as a senile misogynist.The current Comptroller of Maryland shocked local residents last February at a public meeting when staffer Elizabeth Krum brought him a drink. Schaefer leered at Krum as she walked away, then asked for her to return. He then told her to walk away again and

Pretty Women on TV: NY Times Dissected

2006-09-06T13:13:00.001-04:00

If you've got a few minutes to waste, and by waste I mean lose to eternity resulting in infinite sadness, read Alessandra Stanley's article on Katie Couric in the New York Times. Then read it again for every superficial reference to a female newsreporter.No wait, I'll do that for you: "Lara Logan, an experienced and unusually pretty war correspondent""wore a flak jacket and Chanel sunglasses.""

Old People Bitch and Moan at the Kennedy Center

2006-09-05T14:17:00.000-04:00

I've been told that kids these days lack manners, that society's ills stem from our inability to pass dinner plates to the right and our liberal use of swear words like cunt, bitch, fuck and Santorum. They almost had me convinced until Sunday night when I witnessed an eye-opening scene at the Kennedy Center. I trekked over to the Millennium Stage to see my friend Sean perform some of his

C-SPAN Radio Rocks!

2006-09-05T12:59:00.000-04:00

I used to set my radio alarm to NPR's Morning Edition. Personally, I think Renée Montagne sounds hot. But waking up to stories about Lebanese death-counts and Sudanese genocide can really put a damper on your day. Since I'm a serious nerd, I now wake up to C-SPAN Radio. They have a really amusing call-in show called Washington Journal that consists of crazy people phoning into C-SPAN to voice

Weather Promo Roundup

2006-09-04T13:07:00.000-04:00

Capital Weather has posted a fantastic appraisal of Weather Promos, Past and Present. It's well worth the read. Best of all, they've brought to my attention an amazing weather commercial from Fox Charlotte called "The Wonderful World of Weather."It's taught me that there actually is something better than three meteorologists in a hot air-balloon.Three meteorologists in a hot-air balloon who

We're going to the Moon (in 2020)!

2006-09-01T10:05:00.000-04:00

Lockeed Martin won a multi-billion dollar contract from NASA to build the next space shuttle. It's actually less of a shuttle and more of AN EXACT CLONE OF THE APPOLLO SHIP. Except instead of carrying THREE people, Orion will carry SIX. That's right, forty years and billions of dollars later, NASA has doubled it's carrying capacity.But this is the greatest news of all:"Orion is expected to

Helicopter Pilot Update

2006-08-31T11:44:00.000-04:00

Last week, I wrote about an ongoing contract dispute between a union of helicopter pilots and their employer, PHI. The two parties have been negotiating for more than 2 years. A federally-imposed "cooling off" period expired on Monday, freeing up the union to go on strike. After negotiations failed last week, it looked like a strike was inevitable. A helicopter strike could have serious

Net Neutrality Explained

2006-08-29T12:57:00.000-04:00

If you're like me, you've watched a lot of confusing commercials paid for by AT&T, Verizon and Comcast that talk about keeping the internet cheap. And if you're at all like me, you like the idea of "keeping the internet cheap" but are immediately suspicious of strange Orwellian commercials paid for by big corporations like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast. Luckily, Save the Internet has as an

All Lincoln, All the Time

2006-08-28T15:47:00.001-04:00

Do you often find yourself in desperate need of a Lincoln Presenter and think, "If only there were an Association of Lincoln Presenters!" Apparently, there is! That's right, there's an entire organization of people (293 at last count) who dress up like Abraham Lincoln and PRESENT. What they present, I'm not sure. But one thing's for certain--they're not joking around. They take

America's Comparative Advantage: Cluster Bombs

2006-08-24T11:38:00.000-04:00

If you've ever taken an economics course, you're familiar with comparative advantage. If you've never heard of it, it's the idea that certain parties (countries, city-states etc) are better at producing certain goods over others and as a result, it's mutually beneficial to trade. It's more complicated than that and for the record, I did get a C in Intro to Economics. Nonetheless, I'm going to

Forced to Work at Wal-Mart

2006-08-24T10:13:00.000-04:00

I just encountered a lovely little editorial in The Indianapolis Star: No one is forced to work for Wal-Mart August 23, 2006 What do Democrats such as Sen. Evan Bayh have against Wal-Mart? If conditions and pay were actually as bad as Democrats make it out to be, the employees of Wal-Mart are free to leave, or they would have chosen not to work there in the

Housing Sales Drop, Bright Future Ahead?

2006-08-23T11:00:00.000-04:00

The Washington Post has informed me that sales of previously-owned homes dropped to their lowest levels in July.That's good news to people like me who don't understand the housing market but would like to someday own a home. Housing prices will magically drop soon, right? I'll be able to buy a starter home before I'm 45 like my parents did, right?No?It just means the economy will go to shit?

People Fucking On the Bus

2006-08-21T15:48:00.000-04:00

Not many people read this blog. In fact, I'm pretty sure the only people who read this thing on a daily basis either slept with me back in the 90s when I played saxophone for Hoobastank, or share a cubicle with me.I did experience a slight jump in readership last week when I posted my hard-hitting expose on the Chinatown Bus racket, "I Expose Myself to a Bus Full of People."This biting piece of

K-FED Loves Donnie & Marie

2006-08-21T15:18:00.000-04:00

If you're one of the few people who missed the 2006 Teen Choice Awards, here's your chance to finally see K-Fed in action.It's really is worth the 4 minutes and 57 seconds. Not only do you get to see Jessica Simpson struggle with the English language, and a clearly embarrassed Britney introduce both her "man" as well as her milk jugs to an ecstatic pre-teen audience, but you get to see K-Fed

Let's Get Motivated!

2006-08-21T10:57:00.000-04:00

American Splendor has been kicking around my dvd collection for the past year. I typically ignore it. Who's this comic guy, Harvey Pekar, anyway? Why should I care? Is this some artsy movie made by French people? These are the things I think about when a movie arrives in the mail that has been chosen by the ol' lady.Most nights I would rather rewatch or reread Dune than risk watching some

Ticketmaster and Used Condoms

2006-08-18T15:07:00.000-04:00

I went to school at George Washington University. If you live in DC, you're familiar with GW and its students because we work in every non-profit, NGO and government office in the city.We're like vermin. We're not that smart and not that motivated, but we multiply and invade while spreading plague.Unlike most people who attend GW, I couldn't rely on my daddy's fortune to get by. To make ends meed

Helicopter Pilots, Gas Prices and Bush

2006-08-16T11:59:00.000-04:00

Strangely enough, the Office and Professional Employees International Labor Union (OPEIU) represents an increasing number of helicopter pilots. That's right, the union of clerical and office staff represents grizzled Vietnam-vet 'copter jockies at many of the major helicopter operations in the country.OPEIU has been negotiating with one such operator, PHI Inc., for 29 months. Things have gotten

Delta Steals Laptops?

2006-08-14T23:05:00.000-04:00

I arrived in Philadelphia embarrassed and exhausted, but happy to see Mandie. We met up in Center City and walked over to the Windsor Hotel. She wanted to see if Delta had delivered her luggage.Delta Airlines lost Mandie's luggage on Thursday August 10th enroute to Washington D.C. via Cincinnati. She told them they'd have to deliver it to her in Philadelphia, as she had to travel there for

I Expose Myself to a Bus Full of People

2006-08-14T11:15:00.000-04:00

Mandie has been traveling a lot lately. She flew in from Vegas on Thursday night and had to drive up to Philly the next morning. I decided to catch a bus up to Philly on Friday afternoon so that we could spend the weekend together.I took a Chinatown bus. The way I figure it, why pay 45 dollars for a Greyhound when you can pay 15 dollars for a Chinatown bus that might catch on fire? Things

My Pants Are Wet

2006-08-10T11:33:00.000-04:00

It says a lot about the state of public transportation in Washington DC when I'd rather ride my bike in the rain, get sopping wet and spend the rest of the day in an air-conditioned office wearing jeans that stick to my legs than take the bus to work.

CrimeInDC on Fox 5! Plus, Dads Are Depressing

2006-08-08T11:43:00.000-04:00

My neighbor Tom is getting noticed for his CrimeinDC website--not just from me, but from everybody's favorite local news station: Fox 5 News. Check him out ! On TV! I've totally been in that apartment before, the one that's on TV! I can't believe he got to meet Bob Barnard!I quickly forwarded this link to my dad. Behold!!! the excellent email exchange:From: LoganMon, Aug 7, 2006 at 11:28 PMTo:

I HEART KERRI KENNEY

2006-08-08T10:03:00.000-04:00

Everybody trashes on YouTube, but I like it. Where else can you find poorly dubbed VHS-ripped episodes of The State? I haven't seen full episodes of The State in more than ten years. It really brings back fond memories of getting beaten up in middle school. Plus, Kerri Kenney is a total fox. You wouldn't know it from watching Reno 911, but just check out the opening credits to the state. She

Breakfast with a Friend

2006-08-07T12:11:00.000-04:00

On Sunday, I took two friends to Heller's Bakery for breakfast. Hellers is a nice place. You can buy a nice plate of eggs, hashbrowns & toast for $3.50. They make fresh bread.I ordered first--egg & cheese bagel with an iced coffee. They gave me a receipt with a number.I went to find a table since seating is usually limited. I found one right up front. Just as I got there, a woman at an adjacent

Ducktators Tonight!

2006-08-04T15:08:00.000-04:00

If you're in the dc area tonight and looking for something to do, stop by Provisions Library for their free screening of Ducktators:Ducktators(Dir: Wolter Braamhorst, 1997, 46 mins)Friday, August 4, 7 pmDucktators is a unique look at the use of cartoons during World War II. American propaganda during the war had to obey one golden rule: it had to be entertaining. Animated cartoons proved to

Sometimes Democracy Makes you Feel Ill

2006-08-04T10:48:00.001-04:00

There isn't much to be happy about these days. You can't swim in the beaches anymore because of bacteria. People continue to shoot, stab and explode other people in places like Lebanon, Israel, Iraq and DC. The NLRB is poised to strip millions of Americans of their union rights. Bush still lives down the street. But every once in a while good overcomes evil. Most times though, good blends

Have No Fear

2006-08-03T11:49:00.000-04:00

For the few of you who seem to regularly check this blog, please don't think I've forgotten about it. I've been under the weather the past few days. Things just haven't been right since going to the beach on Sunday. I can't tell if it was the annoyance of having children around, the three to four hour drive each way, or the bacteria-laden water. I blame the children.Of course, it could be the

Tracking Crime in DC

2006-08-01T12:28:00.000-04:00

My next-door neighbor Tom has started a fantastic project called CrimeInDC. It seems he felt motivated to take action after witnessing a running gun battle up Euclid Street. From his website:"It's the summer of 2006, it's heating up, and crime is starting to have an upswing in the District. Chief Ramsey has called it a 'crime emergency'. Crime is the topic du jour on the nightly news and in the